People:
Comedians

Tim Allen impersonating a caveman: "Arrogh?"

George Carlin: "Blow it out your ass! Blow it out your ass! Blow it out your ass! Blow it out your ass! Blow it out your ass!"

George Carlin: "God, people are f***ing boring! People are just f***ing boring!"

George Carlin: "I have a very low tolerance level for stupid bulls***."

George Carlin: "Nothing worse... nothing worse that to be stuck somewhere with some married a-hole and have to listen to him tell you about his f***in' kids... Let me tell ya something, folks... nobody cares about your children, okay?"

Crowd cheers.

Carlin: "Nobody cares about your children. I speak for everyone. I've been appointed by the rest of the group to inform you we don't care about your children – that's why they're your children, so you can care about them and we don't have to bother."

George Carlin: "Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed, dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies; our enemies pray for God to destroy us... Somebody's going to be disappointed. Somebody's wasting their f***ing time. Could it be... everyone?"

George Carlin: "Jesus f***in' Christ!"

George Carlin: "There's a letter in your mailbox!"

George Carlin: "I can prove it with my usual flawless logic."

George Carlin: "I love when this kind of thing happens. I love when these politically correct ideas crash and burn and wind up in the s*** house."

George Carlin: "You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people... I do... I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get past around a minute, minute-and-a-half, I gotta get the f*** outta there."

George Carlin: "Have you pictured what this planet is gonna be like in 40 to 50 years? It's gonna be a big, smoking ball of s***."

George Carlin: "I have a question about this – a question that involves... logic!"

George Carlin: "As you may have noticed, I always like to present a carefully reasoned argument."

George Carlin: "Doesn't know when to stop talking, just continues running at the mouth like verbal diarrhea."

George Carlin: "Stupid, trivial s*** you don't care anything about – things you're not even remotely interested in."

George Carlin: "Who gives a f***??... I certainly don't!"

Rodney Dangerfield: "I don't get no respect, no respect at all."

Andrew Dice Clay: "That's bulls***!"

Andrew Dice Clay: "Forget about it!"

Andrew Dice Clay: "What's your f***in' problem, heh?"

Jeff Foxworthy: "If you've ever had to haul a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor, you might be a redneck."

Jeff Foxworthy: "If you own a home that is mobile and 14 cars that aren't, you might be a redneck."

Jeff Foxworthy: "If your family tree does not fork..."

Audience laughs.

Foxworthy: "... you might just be a redneck."

Steve Harvey: "Yeah, I'm, I'm super-cool."

Sam Kinison: "Aaaaahhh! Aaahhh!"

Denis Leary: "www.blowme.com."

Denis Leary: "www.what-the-f***.com."

Larry Miller: "Ya know the only reason they haven't built these things yet? The only reason they're not flying yet? And all these countries like Iraq and Iran, the only reason they can't get the missiles right? And it's ironic. The only reason they don't work?..."

Rosie O'Donnell: "You go, girl."