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John Edwards: "The president actually has to be able to do two things at once. This president thinks his presidency is only about the war on terrorism, only about national security. Those things are critical for a commander-in-chief, but there's a lot the President's not doing about jobs lost, about the health care crisis in this country. The president of the United States has to actually be able to walk and chew chewing gum at the same time." (said in a debate during the 2004 Democratic primary process, circa January or February 2004)

John Edwards: "You tell them hope is on the way." (during his acceptance speech as the Democratic nominee for vice president at the Democratic National Convention, July 28, 2004)

U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders: "I think the President's behavior sen–pres–behavior–to, ya know, to the President – I think, uh, we, as parents, we have to do our job. Our parent – our children look at us. We are all responsible – this whole country." (circa 1994. Occasion, context, and topic unknown)

U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders: "In regard to masturbation, I think that that is something that is a part of human sexuality, and it is a part of something that perhaps should be taught." (December 1, 1994)

Gerald Ford: "I, Gerald R. Ford, have granted a full, free, and absolute pardon unto Richard Nixon." (circa 1974)

Al Gore: "Uh, during my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet." (circa 1999)

Al Gore: "How dare the incompetent and willful members of this Bush/Cheney administration humiliate our nation and our people in the eyes of the world and in the conscience of our own people!... How dare they subject us to such dishonor and disgrace!" (said during a speech to the left-wing group Moveon.org, May 26, 2004, in reference to the scandal surrounding the highly-publicized abuse of Iraqi detainees by U.S. military intelligence at the Abu Ghraib prison while Iraq was occupied by the U.S. and its allies in 2003-04)

Al Gore: "And now, my friends, in a phrase I once addressed to others, it's <snicker> it's time for me to go. Thank you and good night." (December 2000, finally conceding the 2000 presidential election to George W. Bush)

U.S. Secretary of State Alexander Haig: "As of now, I am in control -- here -- in the White House." (speaking to the media after Ronald Reagan had been shot, circa 1983, in regard to who was handling the duties of the president while Reagan was in emergency surgery. Haig had apparently forgotten that the Speaker of the House is next in the pecking order if the president and VP become incapacitated or unreachable.)

North Carolina Senator Jesse Helms: "I'm so old fashioned that I believe in horse-whippin'."

Jesse Jackson: "I say, America, stay out the Bushes!" (speaking at the Florida Capitol during the 2000 presidential campaign)

Jesse Jackson: "Jesus was born to a homeless couple." (Not true. Joseph and Mary were traveling, not homeless.)

Jesse Jackson: "There is value in values."

Lyndon Johnson: "I shall not seek, and I will not accept, the nomination of my party for another term as your president." (circa 1967)

John F. Kennedy at his inauguration: "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country."

Ted Kennedy: "In the depths of the Depression, Franklin Roosevelt inspired the nation when he said, 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.' Today, we say the only thing we have to fear is four more years of George Bush!" (during a speech at the 2004 Democratic National Convention, July 27, 2004)

John F. Kennedy: "I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the Moon and returning him safely to the Earth." (during a speech at Rice University on September 12, 1962)

John F. Kennedy: "We choose to go to the Moon. We choose to go to the Moon, we choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things." (during a speech at Rice University on September 12, 1962)

John F. Kennedy: "We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind in the history of the world... or to make it the last."

U.S. Senator John Kerry: "I actually did vote for the $87 billion... before I voted against it." (March 16, 2004, in reference to the $87 billion appropriation proposed by the George W. Bush administration to fund U.S. efforts to make war and peace in Iraq)

Chris Matthews: "Are you one of the anti-war candidates?"

John Kerry: "... Uh, I am – Yeah." (January 6, 2004)

U.S. Senator John Kerry: "If George Bush wants to make national security the central issue of this campaign, I have three words for him we know he understands... Bring it on." (following Kerry's come-from-behind victory in the 2004 Iowa Caucuses, circa January 20, 2004)

John Kerry: "We're just beginning to fight here. These guys are... These guys are the most crooked, ya know, lying group that I've ever seen." (comments made to campaign supporters at a Democratic presidential fund raiser on March 10, 2004, while Kerry apparently did not know he was being recorded)

John Kerry: "I'm tired of politicians who talk about family values and don't value families." (October 13, 2004)

Jon Stewart: "Are you, or have you ever, flip-flopped?"

John Kerry: "I've flip-flopped, flap-flipped." (August 25, 2004)

John Kerry: "I'm wishy-washy. I'm a flip-flopper." (quoting the Bush campaign in its claims that Kerry has been a habitual flip-flopper throughout his Senate career, October 8, 2004)

Teresa Heinz Kerry: "If I'm grouchy, I'm grouchy." (July 2004)

John Kerry: "No American ought to be struggling to be able to have health care. It ought to be a right that we make accessible and affordable to every single American." (from a campaign ad during Kerry's 2004 presidential campaign)

John Kerry: "We can do better, America can do better, and help is on the way!" (said during his acceptance speech as the Democratic presidential nominee at the Democratic National Convention, July 29, 2004)

Jon Stewart: "Uh, one final question because I really do want to know this. And, again, you don't have to answer it if you don't want to, if it's too personal... Is it true that every time I use ketchup, your wife gets a nickel?"

Audience laughs.

Stewart: "Tell me the truth! I want the truth!"

John Kerry: "Would that it were, would that it were. But use the ketchup a lot anyway."

Stewart: "I'll do what I can, sir." (August 25, 2004)

Jon Stewart: "Are you the number-one most liberal senator in the Senate?"

John Kerry: "No." (August 25, 2004)

John Kerry: "Thank you... Thank you... I'm... I'm John Kerry, and I'm... reporting for duty!"

Crowd cheers. (acceptance speech at the 2004 Democratic National Convention, July 29, 2004)

John Kerry: "I would like to talk, representing all those veterans, and say that several months ago in Detroit, we had an investigation at which over 150 honorably discharged and many very highly decorated veterans testified to war crimes committed in Southeast Asia, not isolated incidents but crimes committed on a day-to-day basis with the full awareness of officers at all levels of command. It's impossible to describe to you exactly what did happen in Detroit, the emotions in the room, the feelings of the men who were reliving their experiences in Vietnam, but they did. They relived the absolute horror of what this country, in a sense, made them do. They told the stories at times they had personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads, taped wires from portable telephones to human genitals and turned up the power, cut off limbs, blown up bodies, randomly shot at civilians, razed villages in fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan, shot cattle and dogs for fun, poisoned food stocks, and generally ravaged the countryside of South Vietnam in addition to the normal ravage of war and the normal and very particular ravaging which is done by the applied bombing power of this country."

(Part of Kerry's testimony before the U.S. Senate Committee on Foreign Relations on April 22, 1971, after returning from combat duty in Vietnam)

Teresa Heinz Kerry speaking to Pennsylvania delegates of the 2004 Democratic National Convention at the Massachusetts Statehouse on Monday, July 26, 2004, first day of the convention: "We need to turn back some of the creeping, un-Pennsylvanian, and sometimes un-American traits that are coming into some of our politics."

After the speech she was questioned by reporter Colin McNickle of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review: "...did you mean by un-American?... You mentioned 'un-American'..."

Heinz Kerry: "No, I didn't say that."

McNickle: "What did you mean?"

Heinz Kerry: "I didn't say that."

Kerry campaign aide: "We're not doing questions here."

Heinz Kerry: "I didn't say that."

McNickle: "I'm just asking what you said."

Heinz Kerry: "Why do you put those words in my mouth?"

McNickle: "You said something about un-American..."

Heinz Kerry, interrupting: "No, I didn't say that."

McNickle, continuing: "...activity."

Heinz Kerry: "I did not say 'activity' or 'un-American.' "

Campaign aide: "We're not..."

Heinz Kerry: "Those are your words. You can record it and listen to it."

Heinz Kerry, speaking to someone else: "You know what the question is? He said that I called this an un-American activity. I did not."

Heinz Kerry, speaking again to McNickle: "Are you with the Tribune-Review?"

McNickle: "Yes, I am."

Heinz Kerry: "Of course."

McNickle: "C'mere."

Heinz Kerry: "Understandable. You said something I didn't say. Now shove it."

John Kerry: "I said at the time I would've preferred if we had given diplomacy a greater opportunity, but I think it was the right decision to disarm Saddam Hussein, and when the President made the decision, I supported him and I support the fact that we did disarm him." (May 3, 2003, during a debate among Democratic presidential candidates)

John Kerry: "He [George W. Bush] didn't give meaning to the words that mean a lot to a lot of us – going to war as a last resort. I think the Unites States of America should never go to war the way this president took us to war. You don't go to war because you want to – you go to war because you have to." (August 25, 2004)

John Kerry: "What does it mean?"

John Kerry: "The word of the President of the United States is good enough for me." (September 30, 2004)

John Kerry: "Believe it or not, I've been through worse." (August 2004)

Nelson Mandela: "We place our vision of a new constitutional order for South Africa on the table, not as conquerors prescribing to the conquered. We speak as fellow citizens to heal the wounds of the past." (circa 1993 when Mandela became president of South Africa)

U.S. Secretary of State George C. Marshall: "It is logical that the United States should do whatever it is able to do to assist in the return of normal economic health in the world. Our policy is directed not against any country or doctrine, but against hunger, poverty, desperation, and chaos, so as to permit the emergence of political and social conditions in which free institutions can exist. Any government that is willing to assist in the task of recovery will find full cooperation, I am sure, on the part of the United States government. Any government which maneuvers to block the recovery of other countries cannot expect help from us." (describing the famous Marshall Plan for the recovery of Europe after World War II, circa 1947)

Richard Nixon: "Always remember: Others may hate you, but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself."

Barbara Walters: "Are you sorry you didn't burn the tapes?"

Richard Nixon: "You know, interestingly enough, everybody in Europe that I talked to said, 'Why didn't you burn the tapes?' "

Walters: "Mmmm."

Nixon: "And the answer is, I probably should have."

Richard Nixon: "And if you don't win, you kick yourself in the butt and be sure you don't make the same mistakes again." (date and occasion unknown)

Richard Nixon: "You don't have Nixon to kick around anymore." (Shawn indicates that Nixon said this to a group of reporters after losing the 1962 California gubernatorial election.)

Richard M. Nixon: "And in all of my years in public life, I have never obstructed justice."

Richard M. Nixon: "I have never profited -- never profited -- from public service. I've earned every cent."

Richard M. Nixon: "I welcome this kind of examination because people have got to know whether or not their president's a crook... Well, I'm not a crook." (as the Watergate investigation got underway)

Richard M. Nixon: "I shall resign the presidency effective at noon tomorrow."

Unknown U.S. representative on the floor of the U.S. House: "Will the gentleman yield?"

Rep. David Obey (D-Wisconsin): "After I finish my statement... Where did that money go? Well, I'll tell you where it went. If you exclude homes, and cars from the net asshole... uh, from the net assets of households..."

<Laughter ensues.>

Obey: "Excuse me. It's been a long day." (June 29, 1995)

Ross Perot: "I hope it'll be all over television, radio, and the newspapers." (February 2, 2002)

Ross Perot: "Let's pick up a shovel and clean out the barn." (during 1992 presidential campaign)

Larry King: "... you elected Clinton, in a sense."

Ross Perot: "Well, again, that is incorrect. Go get all of the data from all of the polls, and you will see that I drew equally from both candidates. I didn't elect Clinton. Clinton would've won anyhow, if I hadn't been in the race." (February 2, 2002, speaking about his impact as a third-party candidate in the 1992 presidential election)

Ross Perot: "If they feel that I am the person that they want to do this job, then certainly I will continue to give them everything I have to get it done." (said regarding the prospect of being put on the 1992 ballot in all 50 states as a candidate for president)

Ross Perot: "Nobody takes responsibility for anything!" (date unknown, but presumably said during Perot's 1992 campaign for president)

Song played at the 1992 Reform Party Convention that nominated Perot as a presidential candidate, sung to the tune of When the Saints Go Marching In.

Ross Perot: "This was not a way to pay down the deficit. This was a trick on the American people." (date unknown, but presumably said during Perot's 1992 campaign for president)

Secretary of State Colin Powell: "With respect to reports that somehow we are thinking of preemptively going after somebody or that -- in one editorial I read this morning -- we have lowered the nuclear threshold... We have done no... such... thing." (March 2002, about one year before the Bush Administration pushed for and led a military invasion of Iraq for the purpose of ousting the Saddam Hussein regime)

Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin: "Let me say to you, the Palestinians. We understand, to live together on the same soil, in the same land... we who have seen our relatives and friends killed before our eyes... we who have come from a land where parents bury their children... we who have fought against you, the Palestinians... we say to you today, in a loud and a clear voice... enough of blood and tears... enough!" (Comments made in 1993 at the White House upon signing a peace accord with PLO leader Yasser Arafat.)