Television:
Commercials   1   2

Nolan Ryan in Advil ad: "I feel ready to go another nine innings."

Gilbert Gottfried as the Aflac duck: "Aflac!"

Speedy singing: "Alka-Seltzer, plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh, what a relief it is!"

Jack Somack in Alka-Seltzer ad: "Mama mia, that's a spicy meatball!"

Jack Somack in Alka-Seltzer ad: "Mama mia, that's a some spicy meatball!"

Ralph: "I can't believe I ate that whole thing."

Wife: "You ate it, Ralph."

Ralph: "I can't believe I ate that whole thing."

Wife: "No, Ralph, I ate it."

Ralph: "I can't believe I ate that whole thing."

Wife: "Take two Alka-Seltzer."

Sfx: Two Alka-Seltzer tablets dropping into a glass of water.

Singer: "Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't."

Jerry Seinfeld in an American Express ad: "Release the hounds!"

Singers: "All aboard, all aboard. All aboard, Amtrak!"

Big Brother character in Apple's famous Macintosh ad from 1984: "We shall prevail!"

Operator in AT&T ad: "You're not dealing with AT&T."

Singers in AT&T ad: "Reach out, reach out and touch someone."

Woman: "Thank you for using AT&T."

Sfx: Doorbell

Woman: "Avon calling."

Ed in ad for Bartles & Jaymes wine coolers: "Thanks for your support."

Woman in Bayer Aspirin ad: "Bayer... Take it for pain. Take it for life."

Joe Namath: "Now, I don't wear pantyhose, but if Beauty Mist can make my legs look good, imagine what they'll do for yours."

Ronald Reagan: "Boraxo waterless hand cleaner really cleans up for us. Just a dab removes paint, grease, tar, carbon, ink, even plain dirt, anytime, anywhere, without water. The whole crew swears by Boraxo waterless, and so will you."

Bosco song.

Guy in Bud Dry ad: "There I was, there I was, there I was, in... the Congo!"

Budweiser frogs.

Guys in Bud ad: "How ya doin'?..." etc.

Old lady in Bud ad: "You're pretty good... not!"

Guy in Bud Dry ad: "Why can't they just love us for our minds?"

Guy in Budweiser ad: "Whazzap!"

Three guys in Budweiser ad: "Whazzap, whazzap, zzap!"

Woman: "I love Buns of Steel."

Announcer: "B.K. TV"

Guy: "I LOVE this place!"

Bart Simpson: "Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger."

Andre Agassi in Canon ad: "Image is everything."

Maria Sharapova in Canon camera ad: "Make every shot a power shot."

Announcer: "Certs is two... two... two mints in one."

Singer: "Chi-chi-chi-Chia!"

Woman in Chiffon margarine ad: "Oh, it's not nice to fool Mother Nature."

Sfx: Lightning/thunder.

Singers: "Clap on, clap off... the Clapper."

Sfx: Old woman claps twice.

Announcer 1: "Presenting the Clapper."

Announcer 2: "Let your appliances turn on and off just by clapping."

Singers: "Clap on, clap off... Clap on, clap off..."

Announcer 2: "The Clapper."

Woman in Claritin ad: "There's clear, then there's Claritin clear."

Announcer: "That was then. This is Comcast."

Satellite dish salesman in Comcast ad: "The ladies really dig these things, if ya know what I mean, and I think ya do."

Kids singing jingle for Crackerjack.

Benjamin Curtis: "Dude, you're gettin' a Dell!"

Announcer: "It pays to Discover."

Man: "Hit it!"

Music: Dodge Ram guitar riff."

Announcer in Expedia ad: "Expedia!"

Singers: "Dot com!"

Announcer: "Federal Express -- when it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight."

The Have You Driven a Ford Lately? song.

Thurl Ravenscroft as Tony the Tiger: "They're great!"

General Electric jingle.

Ronald Reagan in General Electric ad: "Right now, let's see what General Electric has done to make your television viewing more enjoyable."

Man: "Jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh!" (Genie garage door openers)

Singers: "Once upon a time there was an engineer, Choo-choo Charlie was his name we here. He had an engine and he sure had fun, he used Good-n-Plenty candy to make is train run."  etc.

Green giant: "Ho, ho, ho."

Mike Myers: "Pardon me. Do you have any Grey Poupon?"  (from one of the Wayne's World movies) -- Thanks, George.

Man in Guinness beer ad: "Brilliant!"

Cy Sperling: "And, by the way, I'm not only the Hair Club president, but I'm also a client."

Woman in Hai Karate ad: "Wow! What's that aftershave you're wearing??"

Punchy: "Hey, how 'bout a nice Hawaiian Punch?"

Woman: "HeadOn -- apply directly to the forehead. HeadOn -- apply directly to the forehead. HeadOn -- apply directly to the forehead... HeadOn."

Music out-cue heard in all ads featuring the Intel processor.