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Television:
Seinfeld
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Jason Alexander as George: "Ah hah!"
Jerry Seinfeld: "All right... All right... All right!!"
Michael Richards as Kramer: "Jerry, George got arrested."
Seinfeld: "What?"
Richards: "Yeah, he went down at the Beakman. He tried to lam, but they cheesed him."
Seinfeld: "Oh, now I see."
Jerry Seinfeld: "Assman?"
Michael Richards as Kramer: "Yeah, Assman, Jerry. I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Assman!"
Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Elaine: "Is it possible I'm not as attractive as I think I am?"
Jason Alexander: "I'm back in business, baby!"
Jason Alexander: "I'm the bad boy... I've never been the bad boy."
Seinfeld: "You've been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend..."
Alexander: "Yes... yes, yes."
Seinfeld: "The bad fiancé, the bad dinner guest, the bad credit risk..."
Alexander: "Okay, the point is made."
Seinfeld: "The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen... the bad tipper!"
Jason Alexander: "I might... tell her that I love her."
Seinfeld: "Well... that's a big move, Georgie-boy. Are you confident in the 'I love you' return?"
Alexander: "Fifty-fifty."
Seinfeld: "Cuz if you don't get that return... that's a pretty big matzo ball hanging out there."
Jason Alexander: "Face to face with the blowhole!"
Jason Alexander: "Do I have to break-up with her in person? Can't I do it over the phone? I have no stomach for these things."
Seinfeld: "You should just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion – right off!"
Art collector, commenting on The Kramer: "He is a loathsome, offensive brute... yet I can't look away."
Seinfeld: "Because if I can't get one, you're not getting one!"
Michael Richards: "You can't keep this up! Don't you know what's gonna happen??"
Seinfeld: "Carpel tunnel syndrome."
John O'Hurley as Peterman: "I am smack dab in the middle of a good old-fashioned cat fight!"
Phil Morris as Kramer's lawyer, Jackie Chiles: "Like takin' candy from a baby."
Phil Morris: "That's deplorable, unfathomable, improbable."
Phil Morris: "Sallow, unattractive, disgusting."
Phil Morris: "Oh Henry... That's one of our top-selling candy bars... It's got chocolate, peanuts, nougat... It's delicious, scrumptious, outstanding!"
Phil Morris: "It's an infringement on your constitutional rights... It's outrageous, egregious, preposterous!"
Phil Morris: "It's totally inappropriate. It's lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous."
Phil Morris: "This trial is outrageous!"
Phil Morris: "Oh, and by the way... They're real, and they're spectacular."
Phil Morris: "I am shocked and chagrined... Mortified and stupefied!"
Michael Richards: "You mean circumcision... I would advise against that."
Seinfeld: "Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun – ya don't stare at it!"
Jason Alexander: "Well, I got just the thing to cheer you up... a computer!"
Michael Richards: "Look at you... Why don't you do something with your life??... Sit around here all day. You contribute nothing to society!"
Wayne Knight as Newman: "All right ... all right. All right, you go ahead. You go ahead! You keep it secret! But you remember this: When you control the mail, you control... information."
Michael Richards: "All this time I'm trying not to be me. I'm afraid to face who I was. But I'm Cosmo, Jerry. I'm Cosmo Kramer, and that's who I'm going to be. From now on, I'm Cosmo!"
Seinfeld: "Aw, you're crazy."
Michael Richards: "You're crazy!"
Wayne Knight: "If I'm curt, then I apologize."
Michael Richards: "I'm dangerous, Jerry. I'm very, very dangerous!"
Several out-takes of Jerry Stiller as Frank Costanza trying to say "Del Boca Vista."
Julia Louis-Dreyfus: "Mr. Peterman, I don't know what's going on here. I am not addicted to anything."
John O'Hurley as Peterman: "Oh, Elaine. The toll road of denial is a long and dangerous one. The price... your soul."
Julia Louis-Dreyfus: "Maybe the dingo ate your baby."
Woman: "What?"
Louis-Dreyfus: "The dingo ate your baby."
Julia Louis-Dreyfus: "Do you think I should call him and apologize?"
Seinfeld: "Yes. He's a doctor."
Guy: "What are you doing?"
Jason Alexander: "What?"
Guy: "Did... did you just double-dip that chip?"
Alexander: "Excuse me?"
Guy: "You double-dipped the chip!"
Alexander: "Double-dipped? What are you talking about?"
Guy: "You dipped the chip... you took a bite... and you dipped again."
Alexander: "So?"
Guy: "That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip!"
Seinfeld: "I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me."
Seinfeld: "What the hell is email?"
Barney Martin as Morty Seinfeld: "Eeehhh!"
Sandy Baron as Jack Klompus: "Eeehhh!"
Wayne Knight as Newman: "Excellent."
Seinfeld: "I was merely speaking extemporaneously."
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Seinfeld, page 2 |
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