Television:
Miscellaneous

Barbara Walters: "What you are about to see is bizarre, unsettling, and riveting." (20/20)

Hugh Downs: "Good evening. I'm Hugh Downs. I'm here starting tonight to host 20/20. And what we do here is stories – stories in the journalistic sense, not fiction – stories that touch all our lives." (20/20)

John Lithgow as Dick Solomon, reading from Dr. Seuss: " 'When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles, and the bottle's in a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles, they call this a muddle puddle tweedle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle'... This man is a genius." (3rd Rock from the Sun)

(Thanks, Mick)

Julia Sawalha as Saffron: "Why are we suddenly getting all this mail?" (Absolutely Fabulous)

Sfx: Alarm.

Morticia: "Mail's in." (The Addams Family)

Ted Cassidy as Lurch: "You rang?" (The Addams Family)

Alfred Hitchcock: "Good evening." (Alfred Hitchcock Presents)

Alfred Hitchcock: "That was satisfying, wasn't it?" (Alfred Hitchcock Presents)

Donald Trump: "Welcome to the Boardroom." (The Apprentice)

Donald Trump: "You're fired." (The Apprentice)

Donald Trump: "You're fired." (The Apprentice)

Barney the dinosaur sings, then gets blasted by a machine gun.

Elizabeth Montgomery wiggling her nose. (Bewitched)

Announcer: "Who's your favorite clown?"

Kids: "Bozo!"

Bozo: "Hey, that's me! Heh heh!"

Other announcer: "And now, here's Bozo!"

Kids cheer. (Bozo)

Eve Plumb as Jan Brady: "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!" (The Brady Bunch)

Announcer: "CBS presents this program in color."

Music sfx.

Announcer: "This... is CBS."

Ted Danson: "Sorry – we're closed." (Cheers)

(This is the last line of the final episode.)

Shelly Long: "You disgust me. I hate you."

Ted Danson: "Are you as turned on as I am?"

Long: "More!" (Cheers)

John Ratzenberger: "I'm ashamed God made me a man."

Rhea Perlman: "I don't think God's doin' a lot of braggin' about it, either." (Cheers)

George Wendt as Norm: "Women... You can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts." (Cheers)

Sfx: Ringing phone.

Bill Cosby: "Huxtable residence." (from the last episode of The Cosby Show)

Guy: "I got mail! Yea! I got mail! Yea!" (Crank Yankers)

Jon Lovitz: "I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die!" (The Critic)

A Current Affair music sfx.

Jon Stewart: "Now, here it is – your moment of Zen." (The Daily Show)

Barnabas Collins: "Burn!... Burn! That is the only way you will die! That is the only way this curse will end!... Burn!... Burn!!" (Dark Shadows)

Announcer: "Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives." (Days of Our Lives)

Dalek: "Exterminate ... Annihilate ... Destroy." (Doctor Who)

Dalek: "Exterminate all humans." (Doctor Who)

Tom Baker as Doctor Who: "No. Impossible. I'm fully booked for the next two centuries." (Doctor Who)

K9: "Insufficient data to formulate a reply." (Doctor Who)

Davros: "You must obey me. I created you. I am the master, not you! I... I... I !!!" (Doctor Who)

Paul Winchell: "I would not eat green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam I Am!" (Green Eggs and Ham)

(Thanks, Mark and Chris)

Lorax: "I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees." (The Lorax)

Dum Dee Dum-Dum... Dum Dee Dum-Dum Dum! (Dragnet)

Jack Webb: "You're a cop, a flat-foot, a bull, a dick, John Law. You're the fuzz, the heat. You're poison, you're trouble, you're bad news." (Dragnet)

Dum Dee Dum-Dum (Dragnet)

Drew Carey: "Well, that was a nice move, dumb-ass." (The Drew Carey Show)

Drew Carey: "Ohhh, I hope I remembered to hit save." (The Drew Carey Show)

Droopy: "You know what? That makes me mad."

Jason Alexander: "Power off. Let's go." (Duckman)

Find more sounds from Jason Alexander at WavSource's Seinfeld pages.

Joan Collins: "You bitch!" (Dynasty)

Ed Sullivan: "We have a big show for you tonight." (The Ed Sullivan Show)

Ed Sullivan: "I wanted to say to Elvis Presley and the country that this is a real, decent, fine boy." (The Ed Sullivan Show)

Ed Sullivan: "Here's an amazing act... here's a tremendous act... here's a startling act... the amazing... the thrilling... the greatest... spectacular... incredible... exciting... wonderful... world fame... most unusual novelty act." (The Ed Sullivan Show)

Bugle "Charge!" fanfare. (F-Troop)

Hervé Villechaize as Tattoo: "Deh plane! Deh plane!" (Fantasy Island)

Ricardo Montalban: "Welcome to Fantasy Island!"

Singer: "Hey, hey, hey!" (from theme song for Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids)

Felix: "I will never give up! Never!" (Felix the Cat)

Bam-Bam Rubble: "Bam! Bam, bam!" (The Flintstones)

Fred Flintstone: "Yabba dabba doo!" (The Flintstones)

Flipper making dolphin noises.

Kelsey Grammer as Frasier Crane: "How's that for a segue?" (Frasier)

First 7.13 seconds of the theme song from Get Smart.

Don Adams as Maxwell Smart: "Missed it by that much." (Get Smart)

Don Adams: "Wait a minute, 99. That gives me an idea!" (Get Smart)

The first 2.09 seconds of the theme song from Green Acres.